Messy Families

On a scale of 1 to 10 how messy is your house? With 1 being your home could end up on the next episode of "Hoarders" and 10 being Better Homes and Gardens could set up a photo shoot any time, any day, how messy is your house? I’m afraid I would have to confess that I probably fall somewhere in the bottom half. Not that I’ve ever been a super neat person, but as we added kids to the equation the mess increased exponentially. I remember the day that Joel threw the guest towels in the toilet, poured an entire box of Cheerios on the kitchen floor, dumped my purse into the couch cushions, and then locked himself in the boys bedroom. That was just one day…that was just one hour! Families are messy. Would that the messes were contained to wet towels and Cheerios. The reality however is that the messes our families make are often much more heartbreaking. We fight, fume, snatch, scratch, push and pull our way all the way to family car before heading to church. Then we pout, snort, and cut our eyes at our family all the way to the church doors. Then we walk in the narthex and when asked, “how are you?” we respond with broad smiles, “Fine! Thank you!” We are a mess. Which is why, I think, Paul makes the following address to the church at Ephesus. Notice that right before he talks to the church about being godly families, he reminds them that he is not talking to the world here. He is talking to the church. And the people of the church are expected to behave like the Christians that they are. It is self-evident that Paul tells them to stop being rude, angry, greedy, and dishonest because they’re being rude, angry, greedy, and dishonest. They’re making a mess! “But,” Paul reminds them, “You have put away these behaviors with your old life and you have found new life in Christ. So,” Paul concludes, “forgive each other, love each other, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” People are messy, families are messy, and that makes church messy. It would be great if we could all be fine all the time…but most of us aren't fine even most of the time. That’s why God gave us Jesus and that’s why Jesus gave us the Church: each other to be ambassadors of grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness even when we aren't fine. Now, I have to confess that I have taught my children to say “Fine, thank you,” when someone at church speaks to them. But I hope they are also learning to ask for help, be vulnerable, and accept and receive grace and mercy at church too. That’s the promise we make to each other in our membership vows. To help each other along, to make room at the family table for each other…even the messiest of us. Think about your Thanksgiving table…and the folks who put their knees under it. Be honest…there are a few of those folks that, if they weren't kin you aren't sure you’d let them in the door. But we don’t pick our families do we? We are given to each other…for better and worse! But next year, you’ll invite weird Uncle Perry to Thanksgiving again…because he’s family. WE are family too, with One Father in his One Church. We didn't pick each other, rather we were chosen by our Father to be members with one another in this family*. I may have come to this place because I liked a few of the people, but would I really have chosen to be friends with everyone in this place? Honestly??? And yet, here we are, the whole mess of us. And we are all invited to the table…mess and all. My fear is, in our efforts to be “fine, thank you” we begin to think our job is to protect the table from the people who would gather rather than protecting the divine right of any who would come to the table. The table should be respected and we should be faithful disciples of what we teach at the table, but the table does not need our protection, for the water and the blood and the body on this table were spilled here for the sole purpose of handling our mess! Which means I am welcome at the table, and you are welcome at the table…and we all are welcome at the table…not because of what we can bring or do or give, but because of the promise God has spoken over our lives. And my covenant that I make to them…that you today have made to them is to welcome them (they and all who would come to the family table) in the name of Christ and to practice the family traits of prayers, presence, gifts, and service. That’s how we live out Ephesians 4 together…that’s how support each other in our messes. We may be a mess, but it’s our mess, and God says he is able to make beautiful things out of our messes. (* Thank you to a great author, pastor, leader Ross Parsley. His book Messy Church says all this and more and will make you smile, cry, and love your church family.)